Monday, July 25, 2011

Drowning Lessons

It's no secret that I have been teaching private swim lessons for the past six summers. This is where I drive to a client's house and give swim lessons in his/her pool and charge by the half-hour. Other than high-end call girls with lots of roll over minutes (in the bed), I'm not sure who else makes their money that way.

I spent today teaching some of my favorite kids in the world. These are the kids that laugh at my jokes, say the funniest, most sarcastic quips and usually think they are going to drown during the lesson. There's nothing funnier than a kid floating past me nonchalantly screaming, "I'm going to drown!", followed by a deep,sinister laugh. Nothing is funnier.
Unless, of course, there was a Helen Keller puppet that dated Elmo. That might just do it.

At the end of the lesson, the cutest three-year old girl, grabbed me by the waist, looked me in the belly-button, and whispered that she loves me with all her heart and soul. As funny as it was, I don't think anyone I've dated has ever loved me that passionately.

And you know what? 
Part of me wishes she was twenty years older. And not blonde.

Over and Out: Sigh...
-Michelle J

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Poo Pies Presents it's First Original Short!

Thanks to a recent addition to the Poo-Pie's staff, we now can offer our services to some shorts! The digital video kind, not the shorts you have to put on one leg (or peg) at a time.

This Michelle J Original Short is at times, infuriating. Like in biblical times when a hooker was called a "harlot" instead of a "hooker", or when people pulled their hair out and tore their shrouds (and possibly groins) when someone died. Or if they slept with the wrong, and uglier, woman on their wedding night of consummation--infuriating.

But this joke is supposed to be long and languishing. That's what makes the joke work. So please don't wander off too far; watch the whole video. There is an end in sight, I promise. (Unless you are Helen Keller)

Thanks be to Jess, for all her merciless video editing, and for designing the new blog banner, while I furiously  slurped iced-coffee over her shoulder. If that's not great micro-managing, I don't know what is. Seriously, what is it?

Over and Out:kshh
-Michelle J