Wednesday, June 1, 2011

What the Tuesday, It's Wednesday?

My life is a mess, kiddies.

I just realized that I only have twenty-nine days to feign brilliance and submit to a writing program that starts this fall. Twenty-nine days of construction! And I need to collaborate with my writing partner, if I still have one, and that stuff is way harder than writing by myself. She's also in a completely different city/state,if you were wondering why that would be harder than writing solo.
Maybe (most likely) nothing will come of this, but there is something to be said and done for women in comedy:





Okay, maybe that's the problem: There is not much be said about female comedians, and there are a lot of unknown, brilliant women writers: Kay Cannon, Paula Pell, The girl that co-wrote Bridesmaids with Kristin Wiig etc. Tina Fey constantly speaks out (in her book) about her theory for women comedians/actors: She thinks they only have jobs so long as men( specifically network/movie executives) are willing to sleep with them.


But it is probably true in most cases. How many men, can honestly say that they have women comedians they love/look up too(not because these men are midgets), and have sincere respect for them (looks aside)? With the exception of my boyfriend, not many.

When I think about it,  I am a woman (usually), and I only really have one female stand-up (apparently,some of them kneel) comedian that I truly love: Whitney Cummings. Well, Wanda Sykes too.

Tangent:
I jsut found out thatI'm lexdicsec Today, I found out that Whitney Cummings is getting her own sit-com on NBC this fall! The show is called, Whitney. It's named after her! I think the fact that it is loosely based off her comedy/life is wonderful. It may follow the same success as other sitcoms based on the comic's life with his/her name in the show's title: Seinfeld, Everybody Loves Raymond, Ellen, George Lopez , Jerry Springer etc.

Whitney show preview:




A clip from her stand-up, Money Shots:


End Tangent

The movie Bridesmaids was brilliant if you have not seen it, Hank! It's not a chic-flic; It's a full-fledged comedy! It was co-written by Kristin Wiig, from snl, who also starred in the movie along with Maya Rudolph, former snl cast member. The jokes were brilliant, and do not just cater to women.
That's what is wonderful about  the snl comedians( and many up-coming women writers in general), they are telling jokes that appeal to everyone, especially, the hard-to-please, men.

As Tina Fey once loosely said( she was wearing yoga pants),"Women [Specifically Amy Poehler] writers/comics are not trying to be cute." (Again, that was a loose paraphrase that I decided to put in quotations for more authority)
They're telling the fart/ sex/ fart during sex jokes just like everyone else.

 I haven't seen The Hangover 2 yet, but I already have a feeling Bridesmaids is a funnier movie. And Hangover 2 already broke a gazillion records for the box-office records last weekend. Men are funny but sometimes women are funnier and not all men find that acceptable.

Bridesmaids Movie Trailor 1:



Bridesmaids Movie Trailor 2:



Sometimes I fantasize about being a pioneer for women in comedy, and then I think about the show , Little House on the Prairie, and that shit is depressing.

Still, here's a little something I threw together (what this old thing?) I wrote as a sort of PSA for women in comedy, so that one day it will just be, comedy (just like one day, there will be no more distinction between white and black people, there will only be tan people).

This PSA is a dialogue between me and a female comedian. Maybe Kristin Wiig, maybe Whitney Cummings, maybe Tina Fey, maybe a former Real-House Wives reality star from the battered women's shelter:


Me: Hi, I'm Michelle J, I am representing, women, writers, jokes, Mexicans, and yeast infections.

FC(Female Comedian): Hi I am ----- ----- ,actor, comedian, woman. Some people wear crosses around their necks as a way to show reverence for their religious foundation. I carry this tampon around my neck to remind me where my roots are. And to remind myself that no matter how much back hair I grow, I still have a vagina.

Me: And I carry this brick around with me to remind me of my ethnic heritage. Also, this red mustache.
(beat)

------ ------ is not just a woman, she's not just an actor, she's also a writer, colleague, friend, mother, and sex doll.

FC: (nodding) Wait, what?

Me: I'm kidding. You're hardly a sex doll; you never look surprised.

FC:You've probably heard of many organizations that cater solely to women.

Me: Like Women on Women

FC:(shakes her head) You mean Women for Women (beat)

We are not from any particular women's organization, but we are trying to gain support for women in comedy.(beat)

we are here to tell you that women are warriors.

Me: Like Atilla the Hun. He was actually a woman.

FC: (confused) You know he raped and pillaged half of Eastern Europe, right?

Me: Some women have more needs than others.

 (pause)

If you look throughout history, there were many powerful women.

FC: Oprah

Me: Even before Oprah

FC: Oprah's mom

Me: Even before that

FC: Joan of Arc

Me: She got burned. and there's nothing powerful about a Yankee Candle.


I already received two questions about this, one of them from Hank. Yes, I made this (badly). I would've cited the source otherwise. Now can I get a capiche salad ova heeaa? ok, that was bad. cuz, capiche is a play on a caprese insalata...yeah, not so much.



(Long Pause)

Hitler. Hitler was actually a woman.

FC: (exasperated) What?

Me: Think about a lot of those East German women that competed at the Olympics back in the day. Hitler was just a woman on mild steroids.

FC: That would explain the awkward stash. Who just grows a patch under his nose? (beat) Any women comedians before Oprah's time?

Me: Joan Rivers.
(beat)
And Helen Keller.She was the female Will Ferrell. They both think yelling is hilarious.

End PSA


Welp, that's it for right now, folks.

I hope you support women, much like the bra your man really should be wearing would support him. We gotta stick together akin to a honey-filled lesbian porno. Even you, Hank.

Over and Out:kshh
-Michelle J

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