2. The tulip I was nursing has straight up withered today( or straight-down rather). I was proud of this tulip, my mom named her," Tully" (My mom was an accountant, what do you expect?), I'd talk to her about politics, or how much I admired her asexual mating habits, and on occasion I'd pet her sweet petals, and she'd let out a sigh with a tooth-less smile. Or it could have been a flower fart.
While you look through these photos that I took of Tully during her glory days, before her recent passing, imagine the song, "All By Myself" by Eric Carmen, playing in the background while I sit in a dark corner and rock myself back and forth.
Look how happy Tulls is here. She's laughing so I must have
told a poop joke. Or a Nancy Pelosi joke.
That's what happens when you're Mexican. You don't get normal house pets so you divide your time confiding in a rock, or a bird that makes it's home in your porch, or petting a stray needle. That's mexi. Or for me, a mex-mix. A halvsie, a cocker-spaniard mut.
disclaimer: I had two dogs growing up and plenty-o- Swedish Fish. So don't feel too bad for me while I whine in my Tuba Tina voice. Tuba Tina=College roommate nightmare.
3. Speaking of Mexican, the Food Network's recipe of the day--which I get sent to my e-mail( Judge away,Judy)--is a Mexican brownie. As in the dessert brownie, not some re-vamped racist comment. What does that even mean? Mexican Brownie? Does it have a sex? and if it's male does it have a wet back, is it mustachioed (dirty Sanchez even?) Does it lay bricks for a living or dance around a hat?
If it's a woman, does it have wide hips, chola lined-lips, an attitude, and a baby carelessly tucked under one's arm like a football? If it's a motor vehicle does it have hydraulics? These are all the Mexican stereotypes I can think of in this glistening, brief moment of potty-plop brainstorming.
The closest thing to a Mexican brownie that I've seen is my dad eating a regular brownie (which happens a little too often for a diabetic). So that's settled. That must be it.
3.5. I have a sick idea for another reality show. Maybe an E show that Ryan Seacrest can Razzle-Dazzle with his pretty boy hands. The show is called "Keeping up with the Mexicans". It's like the Kardashians but with Sombreros and surprisingly less loose women.
It's a show where people
4. Speaking of loose women... another great idea: What if someone started a hooker business where the service provides hookers with literal hooks for a hand. "Hooking" sounds so much better than hookering.You know, yo HO, yo Ho, butt pirate style with the eye patch, weird puffy, white blouse and a mustache. These women will dazzle. (Sorry Ryan, you don't show your vagina quite enough to qualify)
5. I've spent the past couple of days eating/brewing/reading/cuddling/bouncing all the goodie-gadgets (items) in my Easter basket. And shoving weirdly random items around the house into my now empty eggs. Like my beard ( as in my boyfriend) Thanks mom and dad!
So that's the Tuesday [heavy] set. And it was heavily Mexican flavored tonight. Tune in later this week for more jokes, jabs, and Jaundice.
And maybe test out a tasty, new little segment we at PP like to call, "Poop and Politicians".
Hint: it's not a compare and conrast piece. It's more along the line of "Alcholics' Synonomous".
Over and Out: kshh