Tuesday, April 26, 2011

What the ? It's Tuesday

1. A Jersey Shore cast member moved into the hood of neighbors recently.Shim lives about five minutes away from me to be exact. I will not reveal which one for herm's own privacy. But this is the kind of thing that is only borderline flattering. Flattered that you want to call my home, your home, but nervous about all the weirdos, guidos and general trash that the show brings into the area. My town was already a hub for tourists to flock to every summer. Now with the publicity of the show, a retarded amount of people gallivant and clog up the streets/beaches--the Lincoln logs that they are-- all the best of Long Island, Staten Island, North Jersey and beyond.

2. The tulip I was nursing has straight up withered today( or straight-down rather). I was proud of this tulip, my mom named her," Tully" (My  mom was an accountant, what do you expect?), I'd talk to her about politics, or how much I admired her asexual mating habits, and on occasion I'd pet her sweet petals, and she'd let out a sigh with a tooth-less smile.  Or  it could have been a flower fart.

While you look through these photos that I took of Tully during her glory days, before her recent passing, imagine the song, "All By Myself" by Eric Carmen, playing in the background while I sit in a dark corner and rock myself back and forth.

Look how happy Tulls is here. She's laughing so  I must have
told a poop joke. Or a Nancy Pelosi joke.

That's what happens when you're Mexican. You don't get normal house pets so you divide your time confiding in a rock, or a bird that makes it's home in your porch, or petting a stray needle. That's mexi. Or for me, a mex-mix. A halvsie, a cocker-spaniard mut.

disclaimer: I had two dogs growing up and plenty-o- Swedish Fish. So don't feel too bad for me while I whine in my Tuba Tina voice. Tuba Tina=College roommate nightmare.

3. Speaking of Mexican, the Food Network's recipe of the day--which I get sent to my e-mail( Judge away,Judy)--is a Mexican brownie. As in the dessert brownie, not some re-vamped racist comment. What does that even mean? Mexican Brownie? Does it have a sex? and if it's male does it have a wet back, is it mustachioed (dirty Sanchez even?) Does it lay bricks for a living or dance around a hat?

If it's a woman, does it have wide hips, chola lined-lips, an attitude, and a baby carelessly tucked under one's arm like a football? If it's a motor vehicle does it have hydraulics? These are all the Mexican stereotypes I can think of in this glistening, brief moment of potty-plop brainstorming.

The closest thing to a Mexican brownie that I've seen is my dad eating a regular brownie (which happens a little too often for a diabetic). So that's settled. That must be it.


3.5. I have a sick idea for another reality show. Maybe an E show that Ryan Seacrest can Razzle-Dazzle with his pretty boy hands. The show is called "Keeping up with the Mexicans". It's like the Kardashians but with Sombreros and surprisingly less loose women.
It's a show where people slash /boarder control literally have to keep up with those crossing the boarder and dodge bricks. Or maybe that should be a video game? Now I'm thinking!

4. Speaking of loose women... another great idea: What if someone started a hooker business where the service provides hookers with literal hooks for a hand. "Hooking" sounds so much better than hookering.You know, yo HO, yo Ho, butt pirate style with the eye patch, weird puffy, white blouse and  a mustache. These women will dazzle. (Sorry Ryan, you don't show your vagina quite enough to qualify)

5.  I've spent the past couple of days eating/brewing/reading/cuddling/bouncing all the goodie-gadgets (items) in my Easter basket. And shoving weirdly random items around the house into my now empty eggs. Like my beard ( as in my boyfriend) Thanks mom and dad!

In Restrospect:

So that's the Tuesday [heavy] set. And it was heavily Mexican flavored tonight.  Tune in later this week for more jokes, jabs, and Jaundice.

And maybe test out  a tasty, new little segment we at PP like to call, "Poop and Politicians".
Hint: it's not a compare and conrast piece. It's  more along the line of  "Alcholics' Synonomous".

Over and Out: kshh
-Michelle J

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