This is my sardonic life:
1. If I were Greek, I would undeniably call my mother ,"YA YA," to perhaps explain why she is galavanting around in fuzzy socks and a back brace, sans pants. And by galavanting I mean hunched over and trotting like a neighing midget banshee.
And again, SANS PANTS.
2. I bought an awesome ninja turtle t-shirt yesterday. From the men's department. It fits like a glass penis. I mean slipper.
And again, it's from the men's department.
3. I now understand how soul-sucking it is to write a profile article a month and a half after I interviewed the person. It might as well be a feature piece about the mating habits of South American leeches. It's actually about dancing tampons.
And I'm getting a sick urge --like when i wanted to push that girl, in my Theology lecture, down the stairs (She had one of those faces. And the seat had wheels) --I want to subliminally hide "Bump and Grind" into every sentence of the article.
And again, "leeches".
4. This list sucks like tampons, and leeches, and men that talk about "art" like they want to impregnate it in their moms' station wagons. Or just men with back hair.
And again, Jeepers Creepers, Mom, put on some pants!
In her defense, she does look cute
when they eat their babies.
Or wait, that's spiders and beta fish. Nevermind...
this is my life.